After years of research, development, and lost limbs, acclaimed writer, director, and producer Tim Burton is delighted to announce the Grand Opening of Burtontown. Situated just miles south of Walt Disney World and Universal Studios in Orlando, Burtontown is certain to become your family’s premiere theme park destination.

Modeled after Tim Burton’s varied and diverse body of work, the entire park is presented in brilliant black and white. Burtontown cast has been hand-chosen to exude that not-so-dead feeling.  The gift shops have been stocked with make-your-own-stuffed-animal stations (think Build-a-Bear, but with dead eyes and stitches). The lights have been turned off, souls have been removed, and the cast is just dying to meet you.

From the Hall of Johnny Depps to Mrs. Lovett’s  Meat Pies, Burtontown provides a continuity of milieu unlike any other theme park. Take a dip in Barnabas’ Pool of Blood or work on your anti-tan in The Bleak Forest. And no need to worry about unhealthy vacation dining! Burtontown guarantees to have your family sickly thin by the time you leave.

Have small kids? Don’t worry! Burtontown provides a fantastic and unique selection of family activities like Bring Your Dead Pet Back to LifeMidnight Grave Rubbings, and awe-inspiring attractions like the Scissorhands Topiary Garden. Or book a reservation and dance like you’re possessed at the Belafonte Supper Club. The memories will last a lifetime!

Fantastic light shows dazzle with pure sunlight, three times a day, above the Collinwood Mansion in the center of the park, and acclaimed 4D experience, The Many Faces of Helena Bonham Carter, runs at the thirteen past every hour.

From the ill-proportioned staff right down to the faltering plant life imported from exotic locations around the world, Burtontown has thoughtfully and painstakingly covered every detail.

Stay right in the park, where you’ll enjoy complimentary daily facepainting, rooms without windows (or a window that opens just a crack for an additional fee), and a Handbook for the Recently Deceased inside every nightstand.

Isn’t it time you joined the other side? Book your vacation today!

(Featured Photo Credit: canburak on Flickr

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6 Comments »

  1. I would be there. I would be there on opening day. Oh if only…

    I love this so much.

  2. Reblogged this on Momma Be Thy Name and commented:
    Last night, in bed, with my head covered, I heard the sound of a twisted calliope, an all-too-familiar score. Without moving a thing, I whispered, “Is that Tim Burton I hear?”
    “Yes,” my husband responded, “Batman.”
    “He’s like the McDonald’s logo,” I said, still tucked in tight, “You can spot him miles away…”

    This is one of my all-time favorite posts. I just thought I’d let it out for a bit, give it a little air.

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