Four Horsemen of Apocalypse, by Viktor Vasnets...

I’m reasonably certain that most half-witted people realize society, at least in this country, is doomed.

Ever see the movie Idiocracy? If not, put it on your list, Netflix it, or find it online, because that’s where we’re headed. Sooner rather than later. Consider it your survival guide.

So, without further ado, here are 10 reasons why I feel society is doomed.

10. MTV. MTV. MTV. I can’t say this enough. MTV. If I had the time (and the desire), I could literally go on for days (and have in the past) about why MTV is basically equivalent to Satan sitting on your couch with his arm around you. I stopped watching back when Jenny McCarthy burst on the scene with Singled Out, because, at sixteen, I was frankly embarrassed to watch. I should have stopped watching the year Howard Stern, dressed as Fart Man, tooted his way onto the stage during the Video Music Awards, but I held on for a few more years. We have MTV to thank for creating reality TV (without which we’d have no one with whom to compare our miserable existences), the slow, painful death of the music video, and Snooki. You’re welcome.

9. Fast Food Maybe not fast food’s humble beginnings (as food), but definitely now, where overprocessed garbage is peddled to feed the greed of burgeoning corporations. And the fact that many people remain unaware that fast food really has very little food in it. This includes the processed garbage sold in grocery stores, too. We’ve become so accustomed to flashy, shiny packages and salty, sweet crap, that we buy it. Lots of it. We crave it. Let’s face it: When your beef burrito is neither beef nor a burrito, you know that, and eat it anyway, it’s time to reevaluate.

8. We let our friends/neighbors/strangers make our decisions for us. Keep up with the Joneses much? Let me ask you this: When Hummers were rolling out of dealerships in droves, did we jump on the bandwagon because someone else had one or because of the stellar 7 miles to the gallon they got?

7. Most people don’t know or appreciate what hard work is anymore. Including myself. I get my panties in a bunch when I have to drive to two different stores for things I need. Or that the grocery store doesn’t offer delivery service to my area. Or that my dishwasher just didn’t work hard enough cleaning the dishes I was too lazy to rinse off before I ran the machine.

6. “Professional”  (i.e. Big Time) Wrestling still exists. That’s all I have to say about that.

5. We let completely talentless train wrecks, whom we probably wouldn’t even let into our homes, influence what we do, how we think, how we talk, and what we buy. OMG, I have to GTL so I can smoosh a Gorilla. If you understand what I just said, seek help immediately. You’ve been affected.

4. We go to extremes. Literally. Quadruple cheeseburgers? P90X? The Tea Party? 200 TV stations with DVR and On Demand? Hoarders? Yes, please!

3. We’re technologically saturated. I realized this just a few weeks ago. The TV remote was by my side, and my laptop, iPad, and Droid phone, were all performing some function in front of me. Sure, they say it’s good for the brain. Just like when they retooled the Food Pyramid and determined that we needed 67 servings of carbs each day. That worked out well.

2. No one knows how (or wants) to do anything anymore. Thus, no one can teach you. Except maybe eHow. Know how to change a tire? I don’t. While we’re really, really good at filming post-apocalyptic movies, I can easily see hundreds dying in an epic battle over a box of Twinkies.

1. We can’t write. Or spell. Hey, kids! Think you’ll ever want a job? I know something that might come in handy. Words! Whole ones! And sentences. With punctuation. I know what you’re thinking: Whtevr. But, honestly, life might be slightly easier were you literate. Literacy, surprisingly, does have its perks. Just something to think about.

So, Twiddle me this: I’m looking for a nanny…preferably tanned-to-orange, with zero English language skills and Carpal Tunnel. Know anybody?

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11 Comments »

  1. Okay, now you’ve inspired me to create the next Box Office smash hit: “They’re Gone!” [working title]
    A post-apocalyptic tale of survival once all the Twinkies and fast food have been consumed. ~
    One misfit person – perhaps an elementary school teacher – becomes the unwitting leader of a rag-tag band of survivors,
    who have learned to forage for roots, seeds, and berries.

    Would you like to help me write the screenplay? With real words? 😉

    P.S. I can’t change a tire, either.
    P.P.S. I didn’t know what “GTL” or “smooshing a Gorilla” meant, but Google just explained it to me. Am I still affected?

  2. I agree with you about most of what you said. Some of the things that are deemed important in this society are absolutely ridiculous. MTV. Blech. The thing that saddens me the most is definitely the loss of our use of the English language!

  3. I think the fundamental core problem is society having taken on so much technology far too quickly(especially the past 200 years), to the point where collective judgment and skepticism hasn’t had time to catch up. Tech has contributed to idleness, I mean look at the mass production of the car… people had to actually travel before that. If you really consider driving a car for 40 miles a real drag, be grateful you asshole, you used to ride a horse and your ass would probably be entirely numb from a mere 5 mile distance you panzy.

  4. Great post. Right on point. I am highly concerned about the mental health and communicator skills of future generations. I guess the only option is to keep doing what you know is right and trying to pass it down to your kids ….

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