I realized I was no Supermom today when I woke up and found we had no diapers for the twins. It’s twins – two babies. How could I not have known how many diapers we had? I have been putting them in Matthew’s diapers, which are decidedly large for Maggie, but fit just fine on Meatball, uh, Michael.
I did, however, manage to get out to see a movie last night, and putzed around for completely unnecessary stuff at the store ( i.e., a foam craft kit to build a haunted house)…all of which I now feel guilty about because we’re out of diapers.
There was a time when I had a supply, plus a backup supply, of everything. The only time I do this now is when I accidentally go out to pick up whatever is empty or gone, and return home to realize there was an extra package sitting in the cupboard or the closet the whole time.
On the whole, I’ve become disorganized. I used to have everything in its place, lists written, and things scheduled, now I’m chasing an automotive service that we’re probably 10,000 miles over, I struggle to find a piece of paper (or a pen) on which to write a note, I load the clean dishwasher with dirty dishes because I don’t remember ever running it, and, if you point to a pile of laundry on the floor, I could not tell you, by sight, whether or not it is clean.
Coffee cups sit on the table all day (which sort of tweaks my soul, you know?), food gets taken out of the freezer only to be cooked a full three days later, and there’s a line of dirty bibs, my husband’s shorts, burpcloths, and onesies, laying across the top of the couch.
People say, “Get a nanny! Get a maid!” but we never wanted a nanny, and I don’t feel like we really need a maid. I can do it myself.
So it’s my problem, I think. Either guilt or stubbornness. Or both. Because I know their little tushies will be covered, I know all those things on top of the couch will get put away, and I know I’ll be able to get out to the store for diapers, thanks to the amazing help of my family.
Try as I may to keep it alive, perfectionism might just be dead at my house.